add him to my ever-increasing list of annoying singers.
i'm listening to a cd of 601 christmas songs and though i'm strong enough to deal with kenny g, dean martin, the beach boys, bon jovi and 'grandma got run over by a reindeer' it's jimmy buffet that makes me want to puke. i swear i thought it was that other hack james taylor...until the steel drums started in and i realized what i was listening to. ick!
ok...so now kenny g's keyboard person is playing some horrible solo on the casio synthesizer from 1979...perhaps i spoke too soon. come to think of it, that natalie merchant was also droning on a little too long...hmm.
leave the xmas music to the masters: orchestras, tevin campbell, mariah carey and U2.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
pickled beeeeeets????
UGH! So last night I finally broke open the jar of pickled beets that my friend Tonya had given me. Her parents are big into pickling, and I'm big into anything pickeled (pickles, okra, tomatoes, garlic...). It was a match made in pickle heaven...or so I thought. I snacked on the pickled beets Tonya's parents made while I got dinner going (rockfish, sweet potatoes and salad). I LOVED them! Tart, but still sweet. PERFECT!
After dinner James and I had 1/4 pound of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (more on that in another post), then it was off to bed.
About an hour later I was in bed reading and I had the unmistakable feeling that what I'd eaten was not going to stay put. Sure enough, soon I was barfing my brains out. Now, normally I'm not a big puker, so I have a feeling that it was something I ate. The only thing I ate that James didn't were those beets. Granted, they were tasty and all, but perhaps my system is just not accustomed to the subtleties of pickled beets. I'll have to toss them before they make me toss my dinner again. Hmm. However....I got to enjoy all that Reese's without the caloric intake. Maybe with beets on my side I CAN develop an eating disorder. On second thought, I think not. I'd MUCH rather shop at Lane Bryant and buy Delta Burke clothes than puke. Oh well.
The good news is that after my "episode" I felt 1000% better and was able to go to sleep soon thereafter. Phew!
After dinner James and I had 1/4 pound of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (more on that in another post), then it was off to bed.
About an hour later I was in bed reading and I had the unmistakable feeling that what I'd eaten was not going to stay put. Sure enough, soon I was barfing my brains out. Now, normally I'm not a big puker, so I have a feeling that it was something I ate. The only thing I ate that James didn't were those beets. Granted, they were tasty and all, but perhaps my system is just not accustomed to the subtleties of pickled beets. I'll have to toss them before they make me toss my dinner again. Hmm. However....I got to enjoy all that Reese's without the caloric intake. Maybe with beets on my side I CAN develop an eating disorder. On second thought, I think not. I'd MUCH rather shop at Lane Bryant and buy Delta Burke clothes than puke. Oh well.
The good news is that after my "episode" I felt 1000% better and was able to go to sleep soon thereafter. Phew!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
texas thoughts...
Here are two new reasons why I don’t think I can move back to texas anytime soon…
1)my friend recently moved to san Antonio from seattle, where she’d been for a few years. She was excited to be back in texas until….she went looking for a new gyno. This process is difficult and humiliating enough (exactly what kind of ‘vibe’ does one want from the person who will be more familiar with the inner workings of your hoo-nanny than anyone else on the planet?! Female? Male? Chatty? Quiet? Funny? Humorless? It’s hard to say. Especially when you consider that your feet will be at a 45 degree angle and spread 9 feet apart during most of your interactions); let alone when the receptionist told her over the phone that the doctor wouldn’t prescribe any birth control unless it was specifically and only to treat a medical condition. The upshot…it was a FEMALE doctor! Unreal. Yes, I know this is happening around the U.S. and is not a Texas-only problem. It just hurts my heart to know this is happening in my beloved Texas--land of Sarah Weddington, the Texan who made Roe v. Wade possible! Sad.
2)We watched ‘Death Proof’ last night (part of the double feature movie by Quentin Tarantino) which was filmed partly in Austin. The first part followed a group of beautiful, young women driving around Austin looking for love, weed, booze and most of all, fun. Boy howdy did that take me back to my life in Austin (in my memories I think of myself as being tall, skinny and beautiful). It occurred to me that I finally understand what my friend Sara used to say about never really wanting to live in Austin again because it just wouldn’t be the same. I never understood that feeling. I always thought that just being in Austin was great and that there would be new memories and new experiences to look forward to. Not to mention the food and the music. However…when I watched those girls live out a more exciting, illicit and provocative version of my college memories (not as much weed, lap dances or lake LBJ houses in my reality, sadly), I realized that what I really wanted from Austin was THAT experience. Yes, the city’s great and just has the most awesome vibe—cool, laidback, cool and did I mention cool??—but I don’t want to live in Austin and live my life now (watching Dancing with the Stars on tv, etc), I want to live in Austin and live the life I had THEN! I want to wear Daisy Dukes, platform sandals, tshirts and have a Shiner attached to one hand and a cigarette (that rarely gets inhaled) to the other. I want to dance all night with strange men and be happy in the knowledge that I’ll go home alone, because I’m a good girl and I have the power to accept or reject men. That’s what was fun. Meeting men, flirting, getting numbers, but mostly knowing that it was all up to ME. Knowing I was young and had years of responsibility and relationships ahead of me and just enjoying where I was—young, healthy, happy, and in Austin. Could I enjoy being a soccer mom in Austin knowing that just around the corner there are 25,000 women living the life I loved? I doubt it. It’s easier to age in a place where I have no history. It’s hard for me to admit it, but maybe this really is where I’m supposed to be. Yes, I’d love to be closer to my friends and family. That’s the hardest part of living so far away. On the other hand, the distance allows me to focus on where I am now and where I’m going and NOT on where I was. Ho hum. I’m getting old and maybe (just maybe) I'm finally growing up.
1)my friend recently moved to san Antonio from seattle, where she’d been for a few years. She was excited to be back in texas until….she went looking for a new gyno. This process is difficult and humiliating enough (exactly what kind of ‘vibe’ does one want from the person who will be more familiar with the inner workings of your hoo-nanny than anyone else on the planet?! Female? Male? Chatty? Quiet? Funny? Humorless? It’s hard to say. Especially when you consider that your feet will be at a 45 degree angle and spread 9 feet apart during most of your interactions); let alone when the receptionist told her over the phone that the doctor wouldn’t prescribe any birth control unless it was specifically and only to treat a medical condition. The upshot…it was a FEMALE doctor! Unreal. Yes, I know this is happening around the U.S. and is not a Texas-only problem. It just hurts my heart to know this is happening in my beloved Texas--land of Sarah Weddington, the Texan who made Roe v. Wade possible! Sad.
2)We watched ‘Death Proof’ last night (part of the double feature movie by Quentin Tarantino) which was filmed partly in Austin. The first part followed a group of beautiful, young women driving around Austin looking for love, weed, booze and most of all, fun. Boy howdy did that take me back to my life in Austin (in my memories I think of myself as being tall, skinny and beautiful). It occurred to me that I finally understand what my friend Sara used to say about never really wanting to live in Austin again because it just wouldn’t be the same. I never understood that feeling. I always thought that just being in Austin was great and that there would be new memories and new experiences to look forward to. Not to mention the food and the music. However…when I watched those girls live out a more exciting, illicit and provocative version of my college memories (not as much weed, lap dances or lake LBJ houses in my reality, sadly), I realized that what I really wanted from Austin was THAT experience. Yes, the city’s great and just has the most awesome vibe—cool, laidback, cool and did I mention cool??—but I don’t want to live in Austin and live my life now (watching Dancing with the Stars on tv, etc), I want to live in Austin and live the life I had THEN! I want to wear Daisy Dukes, platform sandals, tshirts and have a Shiner attached to one hand and a cigarette (that rarely gets inhaled) to the other. I want to dance all night with strange men and be happy in the knowledge that I’ll go home alone, because I’m a good girl and I have the power to accept or reject men. That’s what was fun. Meeting men, flirting, getting numbers, but mostly knowing that it was all up to ME. Knowing I was young and had years of responsibility and relationships ahead of me and just enjoying where I was—young, healthy, happy, and in Austin. Could I enjoy being a soccer mom in Austin knowing that just around the corner there are 25,000 women living the life I loved? I doubt it. It’s easier to age in a place where I have no history. It’s hard for me to admit it, but maybe this really is where I’m supposed to be. Yes, I’d love to be closer to my friends and family. That’s the hardest part of living so far away. On the other hand, the distance allows me to focus on where I am now and where I’m going and NOT on where I was. Ho hum. I’m getting old and maybe (just maybe) I'm finally growing up.
mutha of all genius!
ohmyf-inggoodness!!!
who knew those cops were such geniuses?!?!?!
i have in my hands an apple cider cake donut (it's autumn in the northwest and there's apple cider pretty much everywhere you look) and a cup of dunkin donut vanilla coffee (dunkin donuts have been erradicated from the nw [thank you, krispy kreme! :)], but the ground coffee is available at the store). HOLY CRAP!!
To my knowledge i'd never before 'dunked' a donut in coffee. Normally i get the light, fluffy krispy kremes and they just didn't seem well-suited for dunking. honestly, would you ever think to dunk an angel's wing? of course not!
well, let me tell ya. these cake donuts (purchased yesterday from a pumpkin patch type place, so a little stale) are PERFECT for dunking. they're dense, covered in granular sugar and soak up the vanilla coffee just right. HOLLA!!!
damn!! now i have another addiction that is neither good for me nor slimming. oh well. add another couple dozen dimples to my ass and call me a coffee and donut-aholic. i'm done for.
who knew those cops were such geniuses?!?!?!
i have in my hands an apple cider cake donut (it's autumn in the northwest and there's apple cider pretty much everywhere you look) and a cup of dunkin donut vanilla coffee (dunkin donuts have been erradicated from the nw [thank you, krispy kreme! :)], but the ground coffee is available at the store). HOLY CRAP!!
To my knowledge i'd never before 'dunked' a donut in coffee. Normally i get the light, fluffy krispy kremes and they just didn't seem well-suited for dunking. honestly, would you ever think to dunk an angel's wing? of course not!
well, let me tell ya. these cake donuts (purchased yesterday from a pumpkin patch type place, so a little stale) are PERFECT for dunking. they're dense, covered in granular sugar and soak up the vanilla coffee just right. HOLLA!!!
damn!! now i have another addiction that is neither good for me nor slimming. oh well. add another couple dozen dimples to my ass and call me a coffee and donut-aholic. i'm done for.
Monday, October 22, 2007
little people, crappy pumpkins
SO, James and I had our most recent brush with greatness this weekend! We went out to visit the Roloff farm! For those of you with a life, the Roloff farm is famous for 2 things: a pumpkin patch and little people!
The Roloff family is featured in a series on TLC called "Little People, Big World". They live just outside Portland on a farm just off the Helvetia Hwy.
Being big fans of the show (and having nothing else to do on a Sunday afternoon), we drove out, taking advantage of the break in the non-stop rain and had a visit. There was a 2-hr long wait for the tour of the farm (basically you get to see the parts of the farm that are off-limits to pumpkin-pickers)...as seen on TV! We weren't ready to stand around in the mud for 2 hours, so we just poked around the pumpkins. Being that this was the 2nd to last weekend before Halloween, the selection was grim.
Most of the pumpkins were either green, moldy or broken. HOWEVER, we DID catch a glimpse of the Roloff mom, Amy glad-handling the people in line for the tour (brush with greatness #1).
Later we went to a different part of the pumpkin patch and saw MR. Roloff himself, Matt! He was riding around on his little cart....AS SEEN ON TV!!!! WOW! (brush with greatness #2).
After giving up on finding a pumpkin that wouldn't ooze all the way home, we went into the little gift shop thing. Boy, what a lack of enthusiasm to take my cash. They basically sold more pumpkins, some tshirts, hats, jelly and a book by Matt. Where were the little knick-knacks you usually find? Oh well... We ended up getting a 12 pound "cinderella" pumpkin to make a pie (or 4!). So cute!
Well, guess who ended up taking our money?!?!? MISS MOLLY ROLOFF!!!! WHOA! She was taking pictures with almost everyone who came through her line, poor dear. (brush with greatness #3)
All in all we saw 1/2 of the Roloff family for the price of a pumpkin...$5! Sweet!
Now, if i can just hunt down that doll of a carpenter Andrew Dan-Jumbo to make my TLC-stalking complete. YUM!
The Roloff family is featured in a series on TLC called "Little People, Big World". They live just outside Portland on a farm just off the Helvetia Hwy.
Being big fans of the show (and having nothing else to do on a Sunday afternoon), we drove out, taking advantage of the break in the non-stop rain and had a visit. There was a 2-hr long wait for the tour of the farm (basically you get to see the parts of the farm that are off-limits to pumpkin-pickers)...as seen on TV! We weren't ready to stand around in the mud for 2 hours, so we just poked around the pumpkins. Being that this was the 2nd to last weekend before Halloween, the selection was grim.
Most of the pumpkins were either green, moldy or broken. HOWEVER, we DID catch a glimpse of the Roloff mom, Amy glad-handling the people in line for the tour (brush with greatness #1).
Later we went to a different part of the pumpkin patch and saw MR. Roloff himself, Matt! He was riding around on his little cart....AS SEEN ON TV!!!! WOW! (brush with greatness #2).
After giving up on finding a pumpkin that wouldn't ooze all the way home, we went into the little gift shop thing. Boy, what a lack of enthusiasm to take my cash. They basically sold more pumpkins, some tshirts, hats, jelly and a book by Matt. Where were the little knick-knacks you usually find? Oh well... We ended up getting a 12 pound "cinderella" pumpkin to make a pie (or 4!). So cute!
Well, guess who ended up taking our money?!?!? MISS MOLLY ROLOFF!!!! WHOA! She was taking pictures with almost everyone who came through her line, poor dear. (brush with greatness #3)All in all we saw 1/2 of the Roloff family for the price of a pumpkin...$5! Sweet!
Now, if i can just hunt down that doll of a carpenter Andrew Dan-Jumbo to make my TLC-stalking complete. YUM!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Phew!
Well, the squashing of my mammaries went as well as can be expected and I got a lovely form letter telling my girls are A-ok! Yippee!
Boy, what an experience, though! Unlike any other medical appointment EVER!
1) there was fresh-brewed coffee (this IS the northwest afterall) and hot water for tea on a lovely table with cozy baskets and flower arrangements in the reception area.
2) Once I was asked back to 'where the magic happens', I was asked to disrobe from the waist up and take a seat in the dressing-room type cubby. The curtain on the cubby was a lovely red *actual* curtain that matched the fluffy red throw pillow on the bench. Above there was a wooden shelf with a wicker-type basket, a flower arrangement and (ok, this wasn't lovely) a can of Secret deodorant (you can't wear deo to your mammogram, fyi). Soft, new-age music was playing, it was a delight.
3) I was led to the mammogram room where the lights were turned down all romantic, there were 2 flower arrangements, tons of little baskets full of potpourri, a tabletop water fountain....and a giant white camera/tortilla press for my itty bitty titties.!
4)On each side, 3 pictures were taken. Each time I had to be told to look up. I just couldn't stop staring at how my chicken breasts had been flattened enough to make scallopini
5)Once the pictures had been taken, I was invited to take a look at the images. I must say, I was impressed by how photogenic they are! Though, even in xray form they look tiny. (sigh)
6) I changed back into my clothes and was given a beautiful long-stemmed rose, See's chocolate and a little tiny manicure set!
7) I waited in the reception room long enough to read about Kelly Clarkson's tour schedule (an OLD Allure magazine) and was invited into the 'massage room'.
8) For a short 10 minutes, my shoulders and neck were rubbed enough to make me forget all about my aching boobies.
So, all in all it was a complete delight. If only all appointments involved chocolate, massages and roses!
Boy, what an experience, though! Unlike any other medical appointment EVER!
1) there was fresh-brewed coffee (this IS the northwest afterall) and hot water for tea on a lovely table with cozy baskets and flower arrangements in the reception area.
2) Once I was asked back to 'where the magic happens', I was asked to disrobe from the waist up and take a seat in the dressing-room type cubby. The curtain on the cubby was a lovely red *actual* curtain that matched the fluffy red throw pillow on the bench. Above there was a wooden shelf with a wicker-type basket, a flower arrangement and (ok, this wasn't lovely) a can of Secret deodorant (you can't wear deo to your mammogram, fyi). Soft, new-age music was playing, it was a delight.
3) I was led to the mammogram room where the lights were turned down all romantic, there were 2 flower arrangements, tons of little baskets full of potpourri, a tabletop water fountain....and a giant white camera/tortilla press for my itty bitty titties.!
4)On each side, 3 pictures were taken. Each time I had to be told to look up. I just couldn't stop staring at how my chicken breasts had been flattened enough to make scallopini
5)Once the pictures had been taken, I was invited to take a look at the images. I must say, I was impressed by how photogenic they are! Though, even in xray form they look tiny. (sigh)
6) I changed back into my clothes and was given a beautiful long-stemmed rose, See's chocolate and a little tiny manicure set!
7) I waited in the reception room long enough to read about Kelly Clarkson's tour schedule (an OLD Allure magazine) and was invited into the 'massage room'.
8) For a short 10 minutes, my shoulders and neck were rubbed enough to make me forget all about my aching boobies.
So, all in all it was a complete delight. If only all appointments involved chocolate, massages and roses!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
OMG I'm OLD!
I just went to my beloved annual 'lady exam' (always a treat, let me tell ya!). Now, normally my old (literally) doctor would start off by saying "well you're at the age where..." then tell me about needing to really think about starting a family...blah blah blah.
Imagine my shock/horror when she says, "well you're at the age where...we need to schedule you for a baseline MAMMOGRAM!!!!" I was still mid-"aww, shucks, I just don't know about all that"-head shake when her words hit my gray matter. MAMMO- WHAT?!?!? I'm "only" 35! Those aren't supposed to start until 40!!! What's next, a hip replacement? I know it's better to get a look-see before 40, but DANG. Combined with the fact that I found myself checking out loose Coldwater-Creek style sweaters instead of the hot-to-trot tops at Nordstroms means I really AM getting old. How did this happen??
So, i'll have to take my old flapjacks in for a squeeze next Tuesday. Should do wonders for my self image. Good thing they'll give me a free neck and shoulder massage afterwards. LOVE that! :)
Imagine my shock/horror when she says, "well you're at the age where...we need to schedule you for a baseline MAMMOGRAM!!!!" I was still mid-"aww, shucks, I just don't know about all that"-head shake when her words hit my gray matter. MAMMO- WHAT?!?!? I'm "only" 35! Those aren't supposed to start until 40!!! What's next, a hip replacement? I know it's better to get a look-see before 40, but DANG. Combined with the fact that I found myself checking out loose Coldwater-Creek style sweaters instead of the hot-to-trot tops at Nordstroms means I really AM getting old. How did this happen??
So, i'll have to take my old flapjacks in for a squeeze next Tuesday. Should do wonders for my self image. Good thing they'll give me a free neck and shoulder massage afterwards. LOVE that! :)
Monday, October 1, 2007
whoopsee! A whole month went by!
Holy crap!
I wish I oould say I've been so swamped with work and exciting adventures that I haven't had a chance to blog...but that would be a dad-burn lie. I've just been lazy. Nothing exciting to blog about (because my blog is nothing if not GRIPPING).
A thought did occur to me the other day. I was standing at the airport magazine rack searching for something to occupy my mind during my hour-long flight to Boise for work. I'm at a crossroads in my life.
I've outgrown teen magazines (actually, my last subscription to seventeen expired before i even turned 17!). I have almost no clue who those people are, nor do i care.
I'm not interested in Cosmo...it's more like a college-aged Seventeen magazine, though with a lot more soft-core porn.
There's plenty of fashion/celebrity magazines I sometimes like (Allure, Glamour, etc), but sometimes when I'm working it's just too taxing to be paying attention to the 'best shimmer lotion' or the '$500 trench you MUST have this season'.
When I was getting married, I often got those stupid wedding magazines. 7 of the 12 pounds of the magazine were ads for big poofy dresses. Even so, I just felt like I HAD to get them. It was like a compulsion. What if I missed the 1 little touch that would change my 'big day'?!?! Not much was actually applicable...unless I was a zillionaire with Las Vegas taste.
There are always those 'lifestyle' magazines like Oprah, Martha, Real Simple, etc. Those always make me feel (alternately) like a total slob (the contents of my purse exceed my body weight and don't include anything clean or in working order) or a total hamburger helper (I never cook huge batches of dinner on the weekends then freeze for the week).
I'm not even going to consider the news magazines. Too depressing and infuriating!!
Travel magazines are fun...but it's painful to see all the fabulous places I'll never afford to visit.
Since I'm not pregnant or trying, baby magazines are O-U-T!
So, I'm at that hazy area between young women magazines and old lady magazines (am I really finding myself reading--and enjoying--Redbook at the doctor's office?!?!? holy crap).
thank goodness for britney and angelina jolie. otherwise i'd have to break down and buy something pathetic like Cat Fancy...for those who love (and more than likely only love) cats!
I wish I oould say I've been so swamped with work and exciting adventures that I haven't had a chance to blog...but that would be a dad-burn lie. I've just been lazy. Nothing exciting to blog about (because my blog is nothing if not GRIPPING).
A thought did occur to me the other day. I was standing at the airport magazine rack searching for something to occupy my mind during my hour-long flight to Boise for work. I'm at a crossroads in my life.
I've outgrown teen magazines (actually, my last subscription to seventeen expired before i even turned 17!). I have almost no clue who those people are, nor do i care.
I'm not interested in Cosmo...it's more like a college-aged Seventeen magazine, though with a lot more soft-core porn.
There's plenty of fashion/celebrity magazines I sometimes like (Allure, Glamour, etc), but sometimes when I'm working it's just too taxing to be paying attention to the 'best shimmer lotion' or the '$500 trench you MUST have this season'.
When I was getting married, I often got those stupid wedding magazines. 7 of the 12 pounds of the magazine were ads for big poofy dresses. Even so, I just felt like I HAD to get them. It was like a compulsion. What if I missed the 1 little touch that would change my 'big day'?!?! Not much was actually applicable...unless I was a zillionaire with Las Vegas taste.
There are always those 'lifestyle' magazines like Oprah, Martha, Real Simple, etc. Those always make me feel (alternately) like a total slob (the contents of my purse exceed my body weight and don't include anything clean or in working order) or a total hamburger helper (I never cook huge batches of dinner on the weekends then freeze for the week).
I'm not even going to consider the news magazines. Too depressing and infuriating!!
Travel magazines are fun...but it's painful to see all the fabulous places I'll never afford to visit.
Since I'm not pregnant or trying, baby magazines are O-U-T!
So, I'm at that hazy area between young women magazines and old lady magazines (am I really finding myself reading--and enjoying--Redbook at the doctor's office?!?!? holy crap).
thank goodness for britney and angelina jolie. otherwise i'd have to break down and buy something pathetic like Cat Fancy...for those who love (and more than likely only love) cats!
Saturday, September 1, 2007
What I love, love, love, love, LOVE!!
Oh my goodness!!! How much do I love the tv show "Friday Night Lights"?!?!?!?! Well, a hell of a lot more than any words can express, that's for dang sure!
growing up in a small town in texas makes it easier to relate to the football-centered plotlines, but this show has more depth, feeling, emotion and real-ness than anything you're going to find out there.
The promos when it came out last fall were lame, making it look like some cheesy high school sex farce with jocks and cheerleaders. yes, there's sex...but it's not a major plotline, for the most part. just like real high school, there's a lot more going on than just pretty people having sex.
SET YOU CALENDARS...DO WHATEVER COOL THING THERE IS TO DO WITH TIVO....JUST MAKE SURE YOU'RE THERE FOR THE NEXT SEASON!!
Rent the first season to get caught up. I promise, it's one of the very, very few scripted shows on television that's worth watching. It's like a little movie each week. It all starts Friday, Oct. 5.
This clip is not the best quality, but it's pretty good to show how the show works. Each week (i think) there's a football game to prepare for and play. Just like in real-life, the clip starts off fun and exciting...as each play progresses, the tension, music and direction get more and more frenzied. I swear watching it takes me back to sitting in those bleachers, then standing and holding my breath, praying for the perfect throw, catch, run, whatever it took. SO wonderful.
for nbc news on the show: http://www.nbc.com/Friday_Night_Lights/
This show is hanging on by the skin of its teeth. Watch it, love it, tell a friend!
(yes, i'm a geek for this show!)
growing up in a small town in texas makes it easier to relate to the football-centered plotlines, but this show has more depth, feeling, emotion and real-ness than anything you're going to find out there.
The promos when it came out last fall were lame, making it look like some cheesy high school sex farce with jocks and cheerleaders. yes, there's sex...but it's not a major plotline, for the most part. just like real high school, there's a lot more going on than just pretty people having sex.
SET YOU CALENDARS...DO WHATEVER COOL THING THERE IS TO DO WITH TIVO....JUST MAKE SURE YOU'RE THERE FOR THE NEXT SEASON!!
Rent the first season to get caught up. I promise, it's one of the very, very few scripted shows on television that's worth watching. It's like a little movie each week. It all starts Friday, Oct. 5.
This clip is not the best quality, but it's pretty good to show how the show works. Each week (i think) there's a football game to prepare for and play. Just like in real-life, the clip starts off fun and exciting...as each play progresses, the tension, music and direction get more and more frenzied. I swear watching it takes me back to sitting in those bleachers, then standing and holding my breath, praying for the perfect throw, catch, run, whatever it took. SO wonderful.
for nbc news on the show: http://www.nbc.com/Friday_Night_Lights/
This show is hanging on by the skin of its teeth. Watch it, love it, tell a friend!
(yes, i'm a geek for this show!)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The C List 1-3
You know how Oprah has all those things she showcases in her magazine on the "O" list or whatever? Gorgeous, tiny candles for $50, crackers made from saffron and rose petals in a thai orphanage...
Well, I think I can come up with a similar list...on a more modest budget. :)
Today, my #1 favorite thing is the Hanky Panty. They're one size fits all, so no stress about sizes. They're all elastic lace, so they're super comfy, but look feminine. They're thongs, but I swear they're comfy. LOVE em. Only thing is, I caught an unfortunate glance at myself in the mirror this morning and my ass in that lace thong looked like I was trying to strain cottage cheese through a lace curtain. SCARY!
Another love of my life (which, I'm sure contributes to the cottage cheese ass i'm luggin around) is the 100 calorie Hershey snack treat of chocolate covered wafers. VERY much like Kit Kats, but with less guilt. Gotta stick to just 1 packet (2 bars) at a time.
#3 favorite thing is the magazine "Ready Made". It's all about reusing household stuff in fun, creative ways. Not that I'll actually ever do any of it, but I'd like to know how you can take a pair of old-man "slacks" and turn them into a yoga mat bag. Sure doing it yourself only costs $12, but it involves 17 steps!! Shoot, I can drive my cottage cheese ass to Target and get a brand new bag for the same price. AND it wouldn't have that old man smell!
So there you have it. 3 fun things that I just love today. Tomorrow is another day with even more things to love...
p.s. i don't buy that owen wilson was so distraught over losing that ninny Kate Hudson that he'd try to kill himself. i blame drugs and too much ass-play. and that's THAT! mystery solved.
Well, I think I can come up with a similar list...on a more modest budget. :)
Today, my #1 favorite thing is the Hanky Panty. They're one size fits all, so no stress about sizes. They're all elastic lace, so they're super comfy, but look feminine. They're thongs, but I swear they're comfy. LOVE em. Only thing is, I caught an unfortunate glance at myself in the mirror this morning and my ass in that lace thong looked like I was trying to strain cottage cheese through a lace curtain. SCARY!
Another love of my life (which, I'm sure contributes to the cottage cheese ass i'm luggin around) is the 100 calorie Hershey snack treat of chocolate covered wafers. VERY much like Kit Kats, but with less guilt. Gotta stick to just 1 packet (2 bars) at a time.
#3 favorite thing is the magazine "Ready Made". It's all about reusing household stuff in fun, creative ways. Not that I'll actually ever do any of it, but I'd like to know how you can take a pair of old-man "slacks" and turn them into a yoga mat bag. Sure doing it yourself only costs $12, but it involves 17 steps!! Shoot, I can drive my cottage cheese ass to Target and get a brand new bag for the same price. AND it wouldn't have that old man smell!
So there you have it. 3 fun things that I just love today. Tomorrow is another day with even more things to love...
p.s. i don't buy that owen wilson was so distraught over losing that ninny Kate Hudson that he'd try to kill himself. i blame drugs and too much ass-play. and that's THAT! mystery solved.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Love this site!
OMG!!! I just got back from bookclub and this woman had a GREAT resource for happy hour!!
So far this site is only for a few cities (Portland, Seattle, Dallas and a couple other random places nobody cares about), but check it! So you click on your city and then your neighborhood and it tells you all the different places with happy hours, but the cool thing is it tells you the places with happy hours RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MINUTE! Cool! For instance, at 10:15 pm in Portland, in my neighborhood there are 7 places with happy hours: 4 have beer specials, 3 have food specials, 1 has a wine special, and 1 has specials on food/beer/wine/cocktails! Suh-weet!
Too bad i'm on my bed, in my jammies and watching tv!
ok, go check it out!
www.urbandrinks.com
salud!
So far this site is only for a few cities (Portland, Seattle, Dallas and a couple other random places nobody cares about), but check it! So you click on your city and then your neighborhood and it tells you all the different places with happy hours, but the cool thing is it tells you the places with happy hours RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MINUTE! Cool! For instance, at 10:15 pm in Portland, in my neighborhood there are 7 places with happy hours: 4 have beer specials, 3 have food specials, 1 has a wine special, and 1 has specials on food/beer/wine/cocktails! Suh-weet!
Too bad i'm on my bed, in my jammies and watching tv!
ok, go check it out!
www.urbandrinks.com
salud!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
my big ole grill!
Woohoo!! I finally got a giant new grill! I'm so excited! My parents were nice enough to give me a gift certificate for a new barbeque grill for xmas. Last week I finally went out and bought one! It's burning away on our back slab as I type. :)))
As a good old Texan, I am used to 4-ton grills as tall as me with a stockpile of mesquite logs at the ready. Unfortunately, that's harder to find here in hippy-ville Oregon. I tried to keep it as real as I could though....
For this grill, there was only one choice: charcoal. Gas is easier and makes for prettier grills (stainless with shiny, shiny handles), but honestly....gas?!?!? Fool please. My grill is about chest high, weighs about 140 pounds, is matte black, and angular. Just like my men. Oh! Snap! Burn! Holla! Anyway, it's no beauty, but that's part of the charm. A step up from a metal drum just itchin for a brisket.
Speaking of which, I bought 10 pounds of brisket today. Quite a bit for just the 2 of us. I cut it into 3 hunks in order to experiment with the proper care and tending of my beloved brisket. Here's just how far away I am from Texas: I had to ask the butcher to drag out the brisket from the back. The only brisket they had out in the case was that weird corned beef brisket thing that "Irish" people eat for St. Patrick's. WTF is THAT, anyway?!?!
Seeing how I'm hundreds of miles away from mesquite trees, I have to use that charwood charcoal. It's way better than that frat-boy staple, briquets. I shudder to think of what my mesican ancestors would say if I used those little cubes of chemicals. (I have been known to use them, sadly, when the real stuff is not available)
I also intend to remain pure in my barbeque vocabulary. When one prepares hamburgers and hotdogs on a grill, it is a "cookout", NOT a barbeque! These idiots out here use the term bbq loosely. A "barbeque" is when one prepares brisket, ribs (or if you're from Memphis--pork shoulder) on the grill. Learn it. Live it.
Wish me luck as I begin playing around with my new mega-grill. I'm prepping it for a pork tenderloin tonight!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Just like J.Lo
It’s been my goal for the last few years to become jlo.
Granted, it’s a struggle given that I work in non-profit, am not gifted with skin like an angel, do not have a team of lackeys at my beck and call to make me beautiful 24/7 and have a healthy shame of my enormous arse.
However, I do see Ms. Lopez as my spiritual twin. Unlike that harpy Eva Longoria, JLo is a Latina I can identify with.
Ms. Lo and I have both been "blessed" with larger than average butts. Hers pokes out loud and proud while mine spreads out like a cookie in a hot pan. Advantage, Jennifer!
Ms. Lo and I have both married men who are far skinnier than us. Of course, again Jenny had to go and out-do me by marrying a skeletal crypt-keeper. I’d say, advantage me! However, it does bruise the ego when one of your co-workers points this weight differential out by saying, “Wow. He’s way skinnier than you!” bee-atch.
(yikes!)
Jenny from the Block and I are both of ‘a certain age’ and remain childless. Because of this, we share frequent rumors of our being pregnant—hers because she’s photographed wearing a skintight leather Balenciaga pencil-skirt and has (shock-horror) a tiny POOCH! Whereas I have been asked now multiple times if I am pregnant (just Monday, as a matter of fact) because I was seen wearing my fat jeans and a shirt that used to fit but now buckles at the buttons. Um…totally advantage Jennifer!
So, I have tried in vain to model myself after Jennifer Lopez. I’ve grown my hair out in hopes of having Gigli hair (my goodness, her hair is the absolute STAR of that movie). I swear she must have fake hair. There’s no way I can get my hair to be that dang voluminous! I have a lot of hair, but it’s so fine! I need to get that Paves guy to move in so I can have those waves, those highlights, that bounce, that shine…..makes me tingle all over.
When I was shopping for earrings to wear for my wedding, I tried and tried to find some JLo ones that would go. Sadly, they were all giant heart-shaped hoops with rhinestones. I don’t even know where to begin with the reasons why that’s just not me. I ended up with something very anti-JLo— dangly, yes, but small, no sparkles. I think I’d like her more upscale line, Sweetface, but….um. That’s not offered at the mall or at Ross like the JLo line.
I have vowed for years that (like JLo) I will one day buy a giant tub of La Mer and cover myself head-to-toe for that glorious skin of hers. I’m still waiting to have a few extra hundred bucks lying around, though. Sigh. For now, I’m putting the “Low” in JLo and going with Bath and Body Works.
Thankfully my astute parents have put me on the path of Jenny-ness by getting me all sorts of JLo perfume, moisturizers, and even a purse (free with fragrance purchase)! My grandmother somehow even found a JLo scarf that I just love…. in Alice Texas!
So, step by step I will morph into Jennifer Lopez. I’m starting post-Bennifer. It’s way easier to keep up with her now that she’s not running around on boats with PDiddy, making out in Bentleys with Ben Affleck or…shuffling wet-toast-Chris Judd around to make sure he holds her purse. I like this new quiet, modest JLo. Not sure I buy her new music, though. She was more fun, musically, as JLo. It was easier to hide her weak vocals in dance music than these Spanish ballads. Chica, por favor!
Hey! That’s another way we’re the same! Neither of us can sing! We can both dance like rockstars, though. She doesn’t need to be hammered, though. I realize I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld, but what I lack in dancing talent I make up in enthusiasm…and KICKS! Not enough dance moves involve kicks as far as I’m concerned!
Alrighty, I’m off to get in line for “El Cantante”. Her makeup and hair in the commercials look spectacular!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Fricken Eva and Tony!!
I spoke to my parents the other night and they said that the Corpus news was reporting that Eva and Tony were going to TURKS AND CAICOS on their dang honeymoon!!!!!!
That's where I went!!!! They totally stole my idea. This after that moronothon Tom Cruise steals my fantasy destination of Maldives!!!!! UGH!
Apparently Tony and Eva flew on a private jet from Miami and are staying somewhere where it costs $10,000 a night, so it's VERY similar to my experience (HA!!). Whatever.
Not that i'm jealous....who'd want to be stuck on the beach with....a strapping young athlete......having every whim indulged by servants......ok. That does make me jealous. Hmmph.
One day I'll snag an NBA baller and the rest of my days will be filled with shoes, lip gloss and a high tolerance for my spouse cheating on me while on the road. As long as I get a ring like Kobe's wife...I'm GOOD!
That's where I went!!!! They totally stole my idea. This after that moronothon Tom Cruise steals my fantasy destination of Maldives!!!!! UGH!
Apparently Tony and Eva flew on a private jet from Miami and are staying somewhere where it costs $10,000 a night, so it's VERY similar to my experience (HA!!). Whatever.
Not that i'm jealous....who'd want to be stuck on the beach with....a strapping young athlete......having every whim indulged by servants......ok. That does make me jealous. Hmmph.
One day I'll snag an NBA baller and the rest of my days will be filled with shoes, lip gloss and a high tolerance for my spouse cheating on me while on the road. As long as I get a ring like Kobe's wife...I'm GOOD!
sad!
Lady Bird Johnson died! Bless her heart, she was 94 years old and had had a stroke a while back, was blind and pretty feeble...but she was Lady Bird.
Poor dear.
Poor dear.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Who currs about Tony and Eva?!?!
Not me, that's for dang sure!! (though the fact that I've devoted a rare post to these nincompoops suggests otherwise)
That skank is from fricken Corpus Christi, Texas....and she gets married in FRANCE?!?! WTF?!?! Ohhhhh. Tony Parker is Fraunch. That actually makes it even worse! What self-respecting Texan forsakes her homeland to get married in FRANCE of all places?!?! Anywhere else in the world would have been better. Gettin married in a minidress on Friday then the religious ceremony in a mermaid dress...SKANK! Havin a reception in a dang castle...played out (ever heard of Madonna? Tom Cruise? puhleeze). FIREWORKS?!?!? CHHHHHEEEEEEEESSSSSSYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Look what fireworks did to Brad and Jen's marriage. Doomed it. Right from the beginning.
Am I jealous?! Heck no! I guaran-dang-tee you this blessed event will end miserably and all they'll have are the global newspapers reporting on how much they spent vs. how long they were married. HA! You think an athelete and a soap star (honestly, she went from AM to PM, but she's still in soaps)have a long and happy future together? Imagine their conversations: "Blahblahblahblah le basketball she feeeeelze me wit passion", "Blahblahblahblah my shoes", "Blahblahblahblah le foul shots mock me", "Blahblahblahblah my weight". My skin is a-cah-RAWLIN!
Eventually he'll get old and unable to play. She'll get old and unable to find roles. Soon they'll be unemployed, bored, frustrated, and THEN the fireworks will begin. Let's just hope they don't procreate. Though he/she would be gorgeous, of average height, and average physical abilities, he/she would most likely be dim. Hmm. Sounds like most people I love to watch on television. Maybe they should go ahead and pop out some beautiful numbskulls. They amuse me.
Do not give these incredibly boring 'celebrities' any attention until their offspring is able to model for the cover of Teen People. At least when JLo and Ben were planning their wedding it was EXCITING. For being so exotically attractive, these dolts are as interesting as wet toast*.
Gotta skat. Hopefully i'll have more to report on who NOT to pay attention to tomorrow.
*fyi: "wet toast" is my ultimate measurement of boredom (like the pink Power Ranger girl that sucked the life out of the show, Felicity).
That skank is from fricken Corpus Christi, Texas....and she gets married in FRANCE?!?! WTF?!?! Ohhhhh. Tony Parker is Fraunch. That actually makes it even worse! What self-respecting Texan forsakes her homeland to get married in FRANCE of all places?!?! Anywhere else in the world would have been better. Gettin married in a minidress on Friday then the religious ceremony in a mermaid dress...SKANK! Havin a reception in a dang castle...played out (ever heard of Madonna? Tom Cruise? puhleeze). FIREWORKS?!?!? CHHHHHEEEEEEEESSSSSSYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Look what fireworks did to Brad and Jen's marriage. Doomed it. Right from the beginning.
Am I jealous?! Heck no! I guaran-dang-tee you this blessed event will end miserably and all they'll have are the global newspapers reporting on how much they spent vs. how long they were married. HA! You think an athelete and a soap star (honestly, she went from AM to PM, but she's still in soaps)have a long and happy future together? Imagine their conversations: "Blahblahblahblah le basketball she feeeeelze me wit passion", "Blahblahblahblah my shoes", "Blahblahblahblah le foul shots mock me", "Blahblahblahblah my weight". My skin is a-cah-RAWLIN!
Eventually he'll get old and unable to play. She'll get old and unable to find roles. Soon they'll be unemployed, bored, frustrated, and THEN the fireworks will begin. Let's just hope they don't procreate. Though he/she would be gorgeous, of average height, and average physical abilities, he/she would most likely be dim. Hmm. Sounds like most people I love to watch on television. Maybe they should go ahead and pop out some beautiful numbskulls. They amuse me.
Do not give these incredibly boring 'celebrities' any attention until their offspring is able to model for the cover of Teen People. At least when JLo and Ben were planning their wedding it was EXCITING. For being so exotically attractive, these dolts are as interesting as wet toast*.
Gotta skat. Hopefully i'll have more to report on who NOT to pay attention to tomorrow.
*fyi: "wet toast" is my ultimate measurement of boredom (like the pink Power Ranger girl that sucked the life out of the show, Felicity).
Friday, June 29, 2007
you know you're getting fat and old when...
so it's occured to me recently that though i don't FEEL or really think of myself as "fat" or "old", I'm starting to experience things that indicate I'm fatter and older than I'd like to admit.
Such as...
1) I was asked if i was pregnant. always a winner at the #1 spot. i wasn't terribly upset at the time, but the poor girl who asked me was mortified. it was more of a slow-burn of humiliation. how many other people had wondered the same thing but were too sensible to ask?!?! mental note: do 100 crunches a day
2) Skinny people generally don't HAVE to try on clothes. I used to NEVER try on clothes, unless it was a swimsuit or something like that. If it was a size x and i liked it, it was mine. Now each stupid tshirt needs to be tried on. 'does it make my stomach pooch?', 'does it make my ass look fat?' Puh-leeze. as if the poor factory slaves in southeast asia are deliberately sewing to highlight my gut and booty. they probably look at all the enormous clothes they make for us and think we're giant monsters.
3) I hate to shop. this is a new feeling. i used to love to look at clothes, think about clothes, and occasionally buy clothes. now i hate it. i hate shopping because i have to look at all the sleeveless tops and say, 'oh that woulda been cute about 15 pounds ago'
4) I dread summer. even living in the moderate northwest it gets hot. My summertime staples of sleeveless tops and shorts are loooooong gone. i'm now into capris and flowy tops...all to hide as much of my girth as possible. ugh. i don't even wear shorts to the gym--too much cellulite and jiggly thighs
5) I focus my attention on areas of my body that don't gain weight: nails, shoes and purses. i still stick with my absolute favorites, but i enjoy shoe/purse shopping. manicures and pedicures at my local little vietnam are essential. so far i haven't outgrown those, yet! yippee!
6) i used to buy makeup for fun: lipstick, eyeshadow, whatever. now when i buy makeup i'm more concerned with how it looks with my crows feet, bags under the eyes, forehead wrinkles etc. i never gave a thought to lipstick 'feathering'...you know what that means?!?! it's when the lipstick bleeds into the little tiny wrinkles around your lips. deeeee-lightful! not to worry, there's a product for that. along with the makeup 'primers' i now own to keep the makeup from settling into my 'laugh lines'. i used to need concealer only for zits. now it pretty much goes everywhere. soon i'll be like the old ladies at the walgreens asking for the 'pancake makeup stick'. i'll be trotting around the store with piles of it in my jiggly arms (old-lady 'wings')
7) i'm more interested in ladies magazines like real simple than cosmo. i really don't want to read about jessica biehl's sexy ab workout...tell me how to make rice pudding with ice cream (for reals!!!)
8) i used to say "there'll always be somebody skankier than you" when you go out. now i say "there'll always be somebody older and fatter than you" when I go out....if i ever go out. ho hum. forget skank--i've got the soccer-mom life but without the kids and responsibilities.
9) i find myself calling girls under 30 "little girls"...just like my mama did when i was a kid! "Oh, that little girl at Casual Corner said this blouse will be on sale next week". Replace "casual corner" and "blouse" with "target" and "giant muu muu" and it's exactly the same!!!
10) i have a LOT more understanding of the comic strip Cathy. She was always going on about shoes, dieting, her thighs, her pet and lasagna...no, that was garfield.
ok. gotta get a grip. i'll look back on this ass and age and say 'WTF was i crying about?!?!' just like i do at pictures of me at 25 when i pretty much would have said the same thing....
better go watch tv and eat cereal. just like a 6 year old! :)
Such as...
1) I was asked if i was pregnant. always a winner at the #1 spot. i wasn't terribly upset at the time, but the poor girl who asked me was mortified. it was more of a slow-burn of humiliation. how many other people had wondered the same thing but were too sensible to ask?!?! mental note: do 100 crunches a day
2) Skinny people generally don't HAVE to try on clothes. I used to NEVER try on clothes, unless it was a swimsuit or something like that. If it was a size x and i liked it, it was mine. Now each stupid tshirt needs to be tried on. 'does it make my stomach pooch?', 'does it make my ass look fat?' Puh-leeze. as if the poor factory slaves in southeast asia are deliberately sewing to highlight my gut and booty. they probably look at all the enormous clothes they make for us and think we're giant monsters.
3) I hate to shop. this is a new feeling. i used to love to look at clothes, think about clothes, and occasionally buy clothes. now i hate it. i hate shopping because i have to look at all the sleeveless tops and say, 'oh that woulda been cute about 15 pounds ago'
4) I dread summer. even living in the moderate northwest it gets hot. My summertime staples of sleeveless tops and shorts are loooooong gone. i'm now into capris and flowy tops...all to hide as much of my girth as possible. ugh. i don't even wear shorts to the gym--too much cellulite and jiggly thighs
5) I focus my attention on areas of my body that don't gain weight: nails, shoes and purses. i still stick with my absolute favorites, but i enjoy shoe/purse shopping. manicures and pedicures at my local little vietnam are essential. so far i haven't outgrown those, yet! yippee!
6) i used to buy makeup for fun: lipstick, eyeshadow, whatever. now when i buy makeup i'm more concerned with how it looks with my crows feet, bags under the eyes, forehead wrinkles etc. i never gave a thought to lipstick 'feathering'...you know what that means?!?! it's when the lipstick bleeds into the little tiny wrinkles around your lips. deeeee-lightful! not to worry, there's a product for that. along with the makeup 'primers' i now own to keep the makeup from settling into my 'laugh lines'. i used to need concealer only for zits. now it pretty much goes everywhere. soon i'll be like the old ladies at the walgreens asking for the 'pancake makeup stick'. i'll be trotting around the store with piles of it in my jiggly arms (old-lady 'wings')
7) i'm more interested in ladies magazines like real simple than cosmo. i really don't want to read about jessica biehl's sexy ab workout...tell me how to make rice pudding with ice cream (for reals!!!)
8) i used to say "there'll always be somebody skankier than you" when you go out. now i say "there'll always be somebody older and fatter than you" when I go out....if i ever go out. ho hum. forget skank--i've got the soccer-mom life but without the kids and responsibilities.
9) i find myself calling girls under 30 "little girls"...just like my mama did when i was a kid! "Oh, that little girl at Casual Corner said this blouse will be on sale next week". Replace "casual corner" and "blouse" with "target" and "giant muu muu" and it's exactly the same!!!
10) i have a LOT more understanding of the comic strip Cathy. She was always going on about shoes, dieting, her thighs, her pet and lasagna...no, that was garfield.
ok. gotta get a grip. i'll look back on this ass and age and say 'WTF was i crying about?!?!' just like i do at pictures of me at 25 when i pretty much would have said the same thing....
better go watch tv and eat cereal. just like a 6 year old! :)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
UNINTENTIONAL Hoof in Mouth...a downer
ok, so shouting bigoted, uneducated, terribly tasteless comments from my inner-most id has gotten me in trouble plenty of times.
Sadly, my considerable talents in deducing others' most sensitive and painful topics continues. These accidental and completely ignorant outbursts bother me more than any 'hair on your balls' or 'no way, jew' ever will.
i guess i should have more awareness that the women i associate with are often of child-bearing age and with that comes a need to be evermore delicate. not my strong suit.
example number 1: a few months ago my husband's friends were staying with us. they had photos and copious notes about their cat's new litter of kittens. the wife, a complete doll named jenny, is a pediatric nurse and took her job as surrogate co-mommy very very seriously. each kitten had it's every meal, bm and nap lovingly documented...for weeks. after about an hour and a half of listening to her devotion i blurted out, 'jenny, you need to just hurry up and have kids, already!' ha...freakin....ha. she blushed and just muttered something like, 'yeah....anyway, so here's a picture of "fatty" smothering her brothers' or something. as james and i were getting ready to go to sleep, i remarked at jenny's obvious baby fever and james informed me that they HAD been trying for some time to conceive and after months of frustration they'd decided to relocate across the country so jenny's husband john could take a job where invitro fertilization was covered by insurance. holy crap!!!!! i had no idea! this little tidbit could have saved me and poor jenny a lot of embarassment and pain! he coulda/shoulda mentioned it!!!!! he's clueless.
example number 2: last night (oh yes, it's so fresh i can still taste the tang of shame)i was with some colleages out in the boise metro area. i mentioned that one of my friends had decided the financial hardships of attempting IVF were beyond their means. i went on to blurt (love me some blurting) that it was more common than not that women i knew had trouble conceiving...blah, blah, blah. Well, come to find out (after 2 bottles of wine poolside at the holiday inn) that one of my colleauges had miscarried at 14 weeks and this week would have been her due date. OOOOOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHH!!!! between that and the red wine headache, i couldn't sleep. i kept replaying everything i'd said during our trip about babies. poor girl!!!
i wish i could say that i vow to never blurt out anything that could be painful, but i can't. if only i could use my uncanny talents at intuiting pain for good and not evil.
:(
feeling sad and very very insensitive.
could be worse. i coulda gone on a racist tirade about Katrina-victims over a huge family thanksgiving dinner like my aunt. guess loose tongues and bad judgment run in our family.
Sadly, my considerable talents in deducing others' most sensitive and painful topics continues. These accidental and completely ignorant outbursts bother me more than any 'hair on your balls' or 'no way, jew' ever will.
i guess i should have more awareness that the women i associate with are often of child-bearing age and with that comes a need to be evermore delicate. not my strong suit.
example number 1: a few months ago my husband's friends were staying with us. they had photos and copious notes about their cat's new litter of kittens. the wife, a complete doll named jenny, is a pediatric nurse and took her job as surrogate co-mommy very very seriously. each kitten had it's every meal, bm and nap lovingly documented...for weeks. after about an hour and a half of listening to her devotion i blurted out, 'jenny, you need to just hurry up and have kids, already!' ha...freakin....ha. she blushed and just muttered something like, 'yeah....anyway, so here's a picture of "fatty" smothering her brothers' or something. as james and i were getting ready to go to sleep, i remarked at jenny's obvious baby fever and james informed me that they HAD been trying for some time to conceive and after months of frustration they'd decided to relocate across the country so jenny's husband john could take a job where invitro fertilization was covered by insurance. holy crap!!!!! i had no idea! this little tidbit could have saved me and poor jenny a lot of embarassment and pain! he coulda/shoulda mentioned it!!!!! he's clueless.
example number 2: last night (oh yes, it's so fresh i can still taste the tang of shame)i was with some colleages out in the boise metro area. i mentioned that one of my friends had decided the financial hardships of attempting IVF were beyond their means. i went on to blurt (love me some blurting) that it was more common than not that women i knew had trouble conceiving...blah, blah, blah. Well, come to find out (after 2 bottles of wine poolside at the holiday inn) that one of my colleauges had miscarried at 14 weeks and this week would have been her due date. OOOOOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHH!!!! between that and the red wine headache, i couldn't sleep. i kept replaying everything i'd said during our trip about babies. poor girl!!!
i wish i could say that i vow to never blurt out anything that could be painful, but i can't. if only i could use my uncanny talents at intuiting pain for good and not evil.
:(
feeling sad and very very insensitive.
could be worse. i coulda gone on a racist tirade about Katrina-victims over a huge family thanksgiving dinner like my aunt. guess loose tongues and bad judgment run in our family.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
hoof in mouth disease
omg!!! how many times do i need to insert my dang-old foot in my mouth before i learn to self-edit before speaking?!?!?!
holy moly!
of course, my most famous example of accidentally saying the wrong thing was in college...probably my last month of college. i had become friends with a sweet gal named natalie, who was jewish. she happened to live with her sister marci and her dog maggie. after spending some time at her place studying, i was on my way out when little dog maggie made for the door. now. this was spring of 1994, things were different then...i meant to say either (1) "no way, G" as heard in 'New Jack City' or (2) "no way, dude" as heard in...well everywhere. my stupid brain decided to combine the two and say: "no way, jew!" after an awkward 'ok, gotta go', i made my exit. ooooooppppppsss!! felt like a total dork and semi-anti.semite for a while there.
my uncanny ability to say (and do) the wrong thing continues. just recently i went to lunch with a few of my colleauges: 2 people from washington d.c. who are muckety-mucks in Early Childhood Education, my former boss lilli (with a masters in early childhood education), and my current boss diane who taught early childhood education for many years. after about an hour of calm, uneventful dining the conversation turned to 'why the town of milton-freewater, oregon has adopted frogs as their mascot'. well, i coulda/shoulda kept my ignorant ass quiet. instead i piped up that somebody had tried to explain the connection but that it was a "....RETARDED" explanation. as valid as my assessment had been, the word 'retarded' is clearly as anit-PC or appropriate as possible. Once I had articulated the 'ret' part, i was stuck. the only thing worse than screaming 'retarded' to a table-ful of early educators (2 of whom have children with special needs--oh yeah, i was squirming) is trying to turn 'retarded' into a more socially and developmentally acceptable word. i ended up with 'ridiculous' but it was after crucial moments of stammering and sweating. if i last a year in my new position as 'education specialist' (i.e. goddess of educational practices in our organization) it will be a miracle.
ugh.
oh, did i mention that my 75+ year old great aunt heard/saw me say 'it'll put hair on your balls' just hours after my grandmother (her sister) died?!?!?! i'm horrible.
i truly don't mean any harm. i just have no internal censor.
where's my fundraiser?!
holy moly!
of course, my most famous example of accidentally saying the wrong thing was in college...probably my last month of college. i had become friends with a sweet gal named natalie, who was jewish. she happened to live with her sister marci and her dog maggie. after spending some time at her place studying, i was on my way out when little dog maggie made for the door. now. this was spring of 1994, things were different then...i meant to say either (1) "no way, G" as heard in 'New Jack City' or (2) "no way, dude" as heard in...well everywhere. my stupid brain decided to combine the two and say: "no way, jew!" after an awkward 'ok, gotta go', i made my exit. ooooooppppppsss!! felt like a total dork and semi-anti.semite for a while there.
my uncanny ability to say (and do) the wrong thing continues. just recently i went to lunch with a few of my colleauges: 2 people from washington d.c. who are muckety-mucks in Early Childhood Education, my former boss lilli (with a masters in early childhood education), and my current boss diane who taught early childhood education for many years. after about an hour of calm, uneventful dining the conversation turned to 'why the town of milton-freewater, oregon has adopted frogs as their mascot'. well, i coulda/shoulda kept my ignorant ass quiet. instead i piped up that somebody had tried to explain the connection but that it was a "....RETARDED" explanation. as valid as my assessment had been, the word 'retarded' is clearly as anit-PC or appropriate as possible. Once I had articulated the 'ret' part, i was stuck. the only thing worse than screaming 'retarded' to a table-ful of early educators (2 of whom have children with special needs--oh yeah, i was squirming) is trying to turn 'retarded' into a more socially and developmentally acceptable word. i ended up with 'ridiculous' but it was after crucial moments of stammering and sweating. if i last a year in my new position as 'education specialist' (i.e. goddess of educational practices in our organization) it will be a miracle.
ugh.
oh, did i mention that my 75+ year old great aunt heard/saw me say 'it'll put hair on your balls' just hours after my grandmother (her sister) died?!?!?! i'm horrible.
i truly don't mean any harm. i just have no internal censor.
where's my fundraiser?!
Friday, June 22, 2007
aller-frickin-gies!!!
uh...mah...gawd!!!!!
i am a wreck from these dang allergies!! when i was younger i used to look down on people who were weak and sickly because of allergies (came from my dad who used to make fun of high school boyfriend ralph and his many allergies). i just thought it was something that wusses complained about. karma's a bee-atch!
when i first moved to oregon, all the transplants said that it would take a few years to develop allergies. what they failed to mention was that instead of getting used to it, your body seems to get worse and worse! i've been here over 7 years now (OMG time flies!) and it's worse this year than ever before!!
i take a claritin in the morning (it's supposed to be 12 hours) and by the afternoon i'm sneezing with snot running down my face. great. i've been self-medicating with cheap red wine, but that just makes me sweat....while sneezing with snot running down my face. i'm a freakin delight! i have kleenex at every stage of use (clean, a little used, used, VERY used) in all my jackets and pockets. guh-ross!
i went to a scrapping function* the other night and the lady offered my a claritin. how mentally challenged am i that i never thought of taking a 2nd dang pill!?!?! holla! i ended up needing another one a few hours later, but the point was made.
i'm now that loser that has a NASAL spray (nasonex) in her purse at all times. i haven't used it, but knowing it's there seems to make me feel better. i reckon i'm afraid to use the nasal sprays because (1) in spanish it's pronounced "espr-eye" which is weird to say (remarkable how often i speak spanish during the day) and (2) it reminds me of my freshman year band director.
Mr. Vanlandingham was an obese gentleman who every couple of minutes or so would whip out his nasal spray and go to work. it was just a quick 'spritz-spritz', but it certainly made an impact. i've always heard it's addictive, but dang. there are way sexier addictions!
i'm also afraid i'm becoming one of them 'mouth-breathers'. those people always grossed me out, but i find myself able to only breathe comfortably through my mouth. eww.
i hate to say it, but i blame my itchy eyes 100% on my angel-kitty beso. thank goodness for james' allergy visine. isn't it amazing how white your eyes can be with visine?! holy moly!
lord help me if my nightly glass(es) of wine are contributing to my allergies. i guess i'll just have to wear a bib and mop my eyes/nose with it...
*the scrapping function was held at the home of a woman who hooked me up with the online scrapping thing i've tried to do. she and her husband adopted 2 babies from china and are all into the adopted-chinese-girls community in portland. the other ladies there had also adopted babies...one from china and one from bulgaria. they were also elementary teachers!! it was nice to chat with them, but it was better to get home and do my work without Barney singing in the background.
i am a wreck from these dang allergies!! when i was younger i used to look down on people who were weak and sickly because of allergies (came from my dad who used to make fun of high school boyfriend ralph and his many allergies). i just thought it was something that wusses complained about. karma's a bee-atch!
when i first moved to oregon, all the transplants said that it would take a few years to develop allergies. what they failed to mention was that instead of getting used to it, your body seems to get worse and worse! i've been here over 7 years now (OMG time flies!) and it's worse this year than ever before!!
i take a claritin in the morning (it's supposed to be 12 hours) and by the afternoon i'm sneezing with snot running down my face. great. i've been self-medicating with cheap red wine, but that just makes me sweat....while sneezing with snot running down my face. i'm a freakin delight! i have kleenex at every stage of use (clean, a little used, used, VERY used) in all my jackets and pockets. guh-ross!
i went to a scrapping function* the other night and the lady offered my a claritin. how mentally challenged am i that i never thought of taking a 2nd dang pill!?!?! holla! i ended up needing another one a few hours later, but the point was made.
i'm now that loser that has a NASAL spray (nasonex) in her purse at all times. i haven't used it, but knowing it's there seems to make me feel better. i reckon i'm afraid to use the nasal sprays because (1) in spanish it's pronounced "espr-eye" which is weird to say (remarkable how often i speak spanish during the day) and (2) it reminds me of my freshman year band director.
Mr. Vanlandingham was an obese gentleman who every couple of minutes or so would whip out his nasal spray and go to work. it was just a quick 'spritz-spritz', but it certainly made an impact. i've always heard it's addictive, but dang. there are way sexier addictions!
i'm also afraid i'm becoming one of them 'mouth-breathers'. those people always grossed me out, but i find myself able to only breathe comfortably through my mouth. eww.
i hate to say it, but i blame my itchy eyes 100% on my angel-kitty beso. thank goodness for james' allergy visine. isn't it amazing how white your eyes can be with visine?! holy moly!
lord help me if my nightly glass(es) of wine are contributing to my allergies. i guess i'll just have to wear a bib and mop my eyes/nose with it...
*the scrapping function was held at the home of a woman who hooked me up with the online scrapping thing i've tried to do. she and her husband adopted 2 babies from china and are all into the adopted-chinese-girls community in portland. the other ladies there had also adopted babies...one from china and one from bulgaria. they were also elementary teachers!! it was nice to chat with them, but it was better to get home and do my work without Barney singing in the background.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Lawd, i live in craka-town
So this happened a few days ago but it's still with me...
I was driving home through our neighborhood on the side-streets and I saw something horrendous.
See, I live in an "up and coming" part of Portland....(realtors use that phrase for crap-neighborhoods). At the nearest intersection there's a convenience store, a tire store, a mom-and-pop head shop/Meth-supply store and an abandoned teacher supply store. Only there can you find a selection of 20 different kinds of gloves as well as cleaning fluids. Before that it was a "gentleman's juice bar" called the "420 Club"...delightful.
Yes, a meth house was raided and boarded up down the street...yes, a television was found on the sidewalk across the street from our house (its screen 'tagged' within a few hours), yes our new neighbors apparently don't believe in paying to have trash service, so they pile it up in their driveway (at least they removed the toilet from the backyard the previous owners had out there) and no, we have no plans to move anytime soon. Such is the state of housing prices in Portland.
ANYWAY...I was driving home and I noticed a little boy (probably about 7 or 8) standing on the steps in front of his house looking up at his mom and grandmother (like many homes in the area, the front yard is a steep hill, so there are steps from the street to the front door). As soon as my mind was able to process the thought that "oh, isn't that just darling? A child and his female kin enjoying spring at dusk" I realized that "grandma" was laughing....at the child.....who was PEEING onto the steps above him!!!!!!
WTF?!?!?!? Where do I even begin?!
Do I start with granny who's reinforcing this abyssmal behavior by laughing? Or maybe with the limited intellectual abilities of a child who pees UPSTAIRS...clearly having no idea of the law of gravity. Or the hideous thought that the ease with which the participants perform indicates this is a common ocurrence. OR, perhaps the most disturbing of all....if I ever have children and send them to school in this area....these are the idiots who could be my future child's friend/bully!! Makes me rethink (1) having children (2) homeschooling
I've seen numerous Super Nanny programs where the boys leak outside.
I pray for a girl.
I was driving home through our neighborhood on the side-streets and I saw something horrendous.
See, I live in an "up and coming" part of Portland....(realtors use that phrase for crap-neighborhoods). At the nearest intersection there's a convenience store, a tire store, a mom-and-pop head shop/Meth-supply store and an abandoned teacher supply store. Only there can you find a selection of 20 different kinds of gloves as well as cleaning fluids. Before that it was a "gentleman's juice bar" called the "420 Club"...delightful.
Yes, a meth house was raided and boarded up down the street...yes, a television was found on the sidewalk across the street from our house (its screen 'tagged' within a few hours), yes our new neighbors apparently don't believe in paying to have trash service, so they pile it up in their driveway (at least they removed the toilet from the backyard the previous owners had out there) and no, we have no plans to move anytime soon. Such is the state of housing prices in Portland.
ANYWAY...I was driving home and I noticed a little boy (probably about 7 or 8) standing on the steps in front of his house looking up at his mom and grandmother (like many homes in the area, the front yard is a steep hill, so there are steps from the street to the front door). As soon as my mind was able to process the thought that "oh, isn't that just darling? A child and his female kin enjoying spring at dusk" I realized that "grandma" was laughing....at the child.....who was PEEING onto the steps above him!!!!!!
WTF?!?!?!? Where do I even begin?!
Do I start with granny who's reinforcing this abyssmal behavior by laughing? Or maybe with the limited intellectual abilities of a child who pees UPSTAIRS...clearly having no idea of the law of gravity. Or the hideous thought that the ease with which the participants perform indicates this is a common ocurrence. OR, perhaps the most disturbing of all....if I ever have children and send them to school in this area....these are the idiots who could be my future child's friend/bully!! Makes me rethink (1) having children (2) homeschooling
I've seen numerous Super Nanny programs where the boys leak outside.
I pray for a girl.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
yo humps!
HA! Thanks, Sara for turning me on to the Alanis version of 'My Humps'!!
LOVE IT!
The Black Eyed Peas version is just ridiculous, but I love how Alanis kept all the goofy stuff--the dude doing an invisible rubik's cube (!), the fergie hairdon't, and the schlubby guys dancing around her. However, when she's on the floor crying...OMG. GENIUS!!!!
I've never been a big Alanis fan, but this may have just converted me!!
Lord, that Fergie is annoying. She's the absolute definition of a bruiser! Ugh...she is ROUGH!
LOVE IT!
The Black Eyed Peas version is just ridiculous, but I love how Alanis kept all the goofy stuff--the dude doing an invisible rubik's cube (!), the fergie hairdon't, and the schlubby guys dancing around her. However, when she's on the floor crying...OMG. GENIUS!!!!
I've never been a big Alanis fan, but this may have just converted me!!
Lord, that Fergie is annoying. She's the absolute definition of a bruiser! Ugh...she is ROUGH!
Friday, June 15, 2007
i hate tori amos
(just one more thing before i head out)
i had an unusually wild hair a while back and put ‘cornflake girl’ by tori amos on my ipod. I swear I musta been on crack. Each time it comes up on shuffle, I’m mystified.
For the most part I hate : female vocalists, piano music, hippy music that drones on and on and music that talks about fairies and magic. This girl violates so many of my rules that I don’t know how I ever sought out that dang song! Maybe I have that disorder where I do weird stuff in my sleep, but instead of trying to kill my husband or eating an entire turkey I download crap songs by pretentious redheads.
check this s#%@!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUZdDgxiNuE
From Wikipedia (referring to her album “Beekeeper”) "…Amos was conceptually influenced by the ancient art of beekeeping, which she considered a source of female inspiration and empowerment. Through extensive study, Amos also wove in the stories of the Gnostic gospels and the removal of women from a position of power within the Christian church to create an album based largely on religion and politics. Many fans and critics, however, have argued that the concept is unclear and confusing.”
Um. Duh. That woman’s a total nutter! Good thing this music career of hers has panned out, otherwise she’d be living in a group home talking to the walls about bees, the Gnostic gospels and raisin vs. cornflake girls. Makes me TIRED.
Another of my more inspired Ipod selections is “Show Me Love” by Robin S. Now that s@#* is all about female inspiration and empowerment…and it makes me wanna dance. Unlike that cornflake song…that’s just f-ed up.
i had an unusually wild hair a while back and put ‘cornflake girl’ by tori amos on my ipod. I swear I musta been on crack. Each time it comes up on shuffle, I’m mystified.
For the most part I hate : female vocalists, piano music, hippy music that drones on and on and music that talks about fairies and magic. This girl violates so many of my rules that I don’t know how I ever sought out that dang song! Maybe I have that disorder where I do weird stuff in my sleep, but instead of trying to kill my husband or eating an entire turkey I download crap songs by pretentious redheads.
check this s#%@!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUZdDgxiNuE
From Wikipedia (referring to her album “Beekeeper”) "…Amos was conceptually influenced by the ancient art of beekeeping, which she considered a source of female inspiration and empowerment. Through extensive study, Amos also wove in the stories of the Gnostic gospels and the removal of women from a position of power within the Christian church to create an album based largely on religion and politics. Many fans and critics, however, have argued that the concept is unclear and confusing.”
Um. Duh. That woman’s a total nutter! Good thing this music career of hers has panned out, otherwise she’d be living in a group home talking to the walls about bees, the Gnostic gospels and raisin vs. cornflake girls. Makes me TIRED.
Another of my more inspired Ipod selections is “Show Me Love” by Robin S. Now that s@#* is all about female inspiration and empowerment…and it makes me wanna dance. Unlike that cornflake song…that’s just f-ed up.
love me, love my sticky fingers
So I’ve decided to try to think of something ‘bloggable’ each day. As |’ve previously said about scrapbooking: “if it ain’t worth scrapping, it ain’t worth doing”. I’ll try to do the same with blogging.
So you get the picture that I’m a ‘scrapper’…despite sounding tough and “xtreme”, it’s actually a supremely nerdy hobby. It’s great for holy rollers, shut-ins and MILFs (if you take out the ILF part). You get to sit on your ass all day and glue pictures of your kids in Halloween costumes. At the end of the process you have marvelously detailed books documenting your life…while you’ve spent most of it hunched over piles of cardstock (NEVER call it ‘paper’) and hording scraps of ribbon and adhesive (NEVER call it ‘glue’).
As I don’t have children and due do the fact that I’m not a holy roller*, my scrapbooks are limited to trips, my family/friends, and of course, my cat. This is every bit as fascinating as it sounds. My cat’s first doctor visit and haircut are lovingly scrapped as well as her first ‘birthday’ (the anniversary of when she was adopted) and the kitty ‘shower’ I threw for myself before she was adopted. I know it all sounds pathetic and sad, but frankly…I don’t curr (dirty-south for ‘care’ of course). At least I don’t have “Cathy” comics pasted to my computer screen at work!
More later. I gotta get home and scrap. I heard about a scrapbook sidewalk sale in a nearby suburb! Holla!
-c
(*tangent alert: so after I’d just started working at this horrible software company in 2000 I went to happy hour with some of my new colleagues—at a tiki bar across the street from motels for bus drivers and their….um…”new friends”—and was asked “are you a holy roller?” after having not been asked a single question all evening. I answered, “oh hell no!”, but I always wondered what the appropriate response would have been if I had, in fact, been a ‘holy roller’…who hangs out at tiki bars in sketchy parts of town)
So you get the picture that I’m a ‘scrapper’…despite sounding tough and “xtreme”, it’s actually a supremely nerdy hobby. It’s great for holy rollers, shut-ins and MILFs (if you take out the ILF part). You get to sit on your ass all day and glue pictures of your kids in Halloween costumes. At the end of the process you have marvelously detailed books documenting your life…while you’ve spent most of it hunched over piles of cardstock (NEVER call it ‘paper’) and hording scraps of ribbon and adhesive (NEVER call it ‘glue’).
As I don’t have children and due do the fact that I’m not a holy roller*, my scrapbooks are limited to trips, my family/friends, and of course, my cat. This is every bit as fascinating as it sounds. My cat’s first doctor visit and haircut are lovingly scrapped as well as her first ‘birthday’ (the anniversary of when she was adopted) and the kitty ‘shower’ I threw for myself before she was adopted. I know it all sounds pathetic and sad, but frankly…I don’t curr (dirty-south for ‘care’ of course). At least I don’t have “Cathy” comics pasted to my computer screen at work!
More later. I gotta get home and scrap. I heard about a scrapbook sidewalk sale in a nearby suburb! Holla!
-c
(*tangent alert: so after I’d just started working at this horrible software company in 2000 I went to happy hour with some of my new colleagues—at a tiki bar across the street from motels for bus drivers and their….um…”new friends”—and was asked “are you a holy roller?” after having not been asked a single question all evening. I answered, “oh hell no!”, but I always wondered what the appropriate response would have been if I had, in fact, been a ‘holy roller’…who hangs out at tiki bars in sketchy parts of town)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Here we go!
Thanks, Sara, for hooking me up! Let's see what kind of nonsense I can get myself into.
Don't expect much, though! :))
Don't expect much, though! :))
It's ON!
Let's go smarty britches!! You have far too much to say to keep that pie hole shut away from the internet.
Let us all revel in your gift of wit.
Git 'er done.
Let us all revel in your gift of wit.
Git 'er done.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)