texas thoughts...

Here are two new reasons why I don’t think I can move back to texas anytime soon…

1)my friend recently moved to san Antonio from seattle, where she’d been for a few years. She was excited to be back in texas until….she went looking for a new gyno. This process is difficult and humiliating enough (exactly what kind of ‘vibe’ does one want from the person who will be more familiar with the inner workings of your hoo-nanny than anyone else on the planet?! Female? Male? Chatty? Quiet? Funny? Humorless? It’s hard to say. Especially when you consider that your feet will be at a 45 degree angle and spread 9 feet apart during most of your interactions); let alone when the receptionist told her over the phone that the doctor wouldn’t prescribe any birth control unless it was specifically and only to treat a medical condition. The upshot…it was a FEMALE doctor! Unreal. Yes, I know this is happening around the U.S. and is not a Texas-only problem. It just hurts my heart to know this is happening in my beloved Texas--land of Sarah Weddington, the Texan who made Roe v. Wade possible! Sad.


2)We watched ‘Death Proof’ last night (part of the double feature movie by Quentin Tarantino) which was filmed partly in Austin. The first part followed a group of beautiful, young women driving around Austin looking for love, weed, booze and most of all, fun. Boy howdy did that take me back to my life in Austin (in my memories I think of myself as being tall, skinny and beautiful). It occurred to me that I finally understand what my friend Sara used to say about never really wanting to live in Austin again because it just wouldn’t be the same. I never understood that feeling. I always thought that just being in Austin was great and that there would be new memories and new experiences to look forward to. Not to mention the food and the music. However…when I watched those girls live out a more exciting, illicit and provocative version of my college memories (not as much weed, lap dances or lake LBJ houses in my reality, sadly), I realized that what I really wanted from Austin was THAT experience. Yes, the city’s great and just has the most awesome vibe—cool, laidback, cool and did I mention cool??—but I don’t want to live in Austin and live my life now (watching Dancing with the Stars on tv, etc), I want to live in Austin and live the life I had THEN! I want to wear Daisy Dukes, platform sandals, tshirts and have a Shiner attached to one hand and a cigarette (that rarely gets inhaled) to the other. I want to dance all night with strange men and be happy in the knowledge that I’ll go home alone, because I’m a good girl and I have the power to accept or reject men. That’s what was fun. Meeting men, flirting, getting numbers, but mostly knowing that it was all up to ME. Knowing I was young and had years of responsibility and relationships ahead of me and just enjoying where I was—young, healthy, happy, and in Austin. Could I enjoy being a soccer mom in Austin knowing that just around the corner there are 25,000 women living the life I loved? I doubt it. It’s easier to age in a place where I have no history. It’s hard for me to admit it, but maybe this really is where I’m supposed to be. Yes, I’d love to be closer to my friends and family. That’s the hardest part of living so far away. On the other hand, the distance allows me to focus on where I am now and where I’m going and NOT on where I was. Ho hum. I’m getting old and maybe (just maybe) I'm finally growing up.