little people, crappy pumpkins

SO, James and I had our most recent brush with greatness this weekend! We went out to visit the Roloff farm! For those of you with a life, the Roloff farm is famous for 2 things: a pumpkin patch and little people!
The Roloff family is featured in a series on TLC called "Little People, Big World". They live just outside Portland on a farm just off the Helvetia Hwy.
Being big fans of the show (and having nothing else to do on a Sunday afternoon), we drove out, taking advantage of the break in the non-stop rain and had a visit. There was a 2-hr long wait for the tour of the farm (basically you get to see the parts of the farm that are off-limits to pumpkin-pickers)...as seen on TV! We weren't ready to stand around in the mud for 2 hours, so we just poked around the pumpkins. Being that this was the 2nd to last weekend before Halloween, the selection was grim. Most of the pumpkins were either green, moldy or broken. HOWEVER, we DID catch a glimpse of the Roloff mom, Amy glad-handling the people in line for the tour (brush with greatness #1).

Later we went to a different part of the pumpkin patch and saw MR. Roloff himself, Matt! He was riding around on his little cart....AS SEEN ON TV!!!! WOW! (brush with greatness #2).

After giving up on finding a pumpkin that wouldn't ooze all the way home, we went into the little gift shop thing. Boy, what a lack of enthusiasm to take my cash. They basically sold more pumpkins, some tshirts, hats, jelly and a book by Matt. Where were the little knick-knacks you usually find? Oh well... We ended up getting a 12 pound "cinderella" pumpkin to make a pie (or 4!). So cute! Well, guess who ended up taking our money?!?!? MISS MOLLY ROLOFF!!!! WHOA! She was taking pictures with almost everyone who came through her line, poor dear. (brush with greatness #3)
All in all we saw 1/2 of the Roloff family for the price of a pumpkin...$5! Sweet!

Now, if i can just hunt down that doll of a carpenter Andrew Dan-Jumbo to make my TLC-stalking complete. YUM!

Phew!

Well, the squashing of my mammaries went as well as can be expected and I got a lovely form letter telling my girls are A-ok! Yippee!

Boy, what an experience, though! Unlike any other medical appointment EVER!

1) there was fresh-brewed coffee (this IS the northwest afterall) and hot water for tea on a lovely table with cozy baskets and flower arrangements in the reception area.
2) Once I was asked back to 'where the magic happens', I was asked to disrobe from the waist up and take a seat in the dressing-room type cubby. The curtain on the cubby was a lovely red *actual* curtain that matched the fluffy red throw pillow on the bench. Above there was a wooden shelf with a wicker-type basket, a flower arrangement and (ok, this wasn't lovely) a can of Secret deodorant (you can't wear deo to your mammogram, fyi). Soft, new-age music was playing, it was a delight.
3) I was led to the mammogram room where the lights were turned down all romantic, there were 2 flower arrangements, tons of little baskets full of potpourri, a tabletop water fountain....and a giant white camera/tortilla press for my itty bitty titties.!
4)On each side, 3 pictures were taken. Each time I had to be told to look up. I just couldn't stop staring at how my chicken breasts had been flattened enough to make scallopini
5)Once the pictures had been taken, I was invited to take a look at the images. I must say, I was impressed by how photogenic they are! Though, even in xray form they look tiny. (sigh)
6) I changed back into my clothes and was given a beautiful long-stemmed rose, See's chocolate and a little tiny manicure set!
7) I waited in the reception room long enough to read about Kelly Clarkson's tour schedule (an OLD Allure magazine) and was invited into the 'massage room'.
8) For a short 10 minutes, my shoulders and neck were rubbed enough to make me forget all about my aching boobies.

So, all in all it was a complete delight. If only all appointments involved chocolate, massages and roses!

OMG I'm OLD!

I just went to my beloved annual 'lady exam' (always a treat, let me tell ya!). Now, normally my old (literally) doctor would start off by saying "well you're at the age where..." then tell me about needing to really think about starting a family...blah blah blah.
Imagine my shock/horror when she says, "well you're at the age where...we need to schedule you for a baseline MAMMOGRAM!!!!" I was still mid-"aww, shucks, I just don't know about all that"-head shake when her words hit my gray matter. MAMMO- WHAT?!?!? I'm "only" 35! Those aren't supposed to start until 40!!! What's next, a hip replacement? I know it's better to get a look-see before 40, but DANG. Combined with the fact that I found myself checking out loose Coldwater-Creek style sweaters instead of the hot-to-trot tops at Nordstroms means I really AM getting old. How did this happen??

So, i'll have to take my old flapjacks in for a squeeze next Tuesday. Should do wonders for my self image. Good thing they'll give me a free neck and shoulder massage afterwards. LOVE that! :)

whoopsee! A whole month went by!

Holy crap!
I wish I oould say I've been so swamped with work and exciting adventures that I haven't had a chance to blog...but that would be a dad-burn lie. I've just been lazy. Nothing exciting to blog about (because my blog is nothing if not GRIPPING).

A thought did occur to me the other day. I was standing at the airport magazine rack searching for something to occupy my mind during my hour-long flight to Boise for work. I'm at a crossroads in my life.

I've outgrown teen magazines (actually, my last subscription to seventeen expired before i even turned 17!). I have almost no clue who those people are, nor do i care.
I'm not interested in Cosmo...it's more like a college-aged Seventeen magazine, though with a lot more soft-core porn.
There's plenty of fashion/celebrity magazines I sometimes like (Allure, Glamour, etc), but sometimes when I'm working it's just too taxing to be paying attention to the 'best shimmer lotion' or the '$500 trench you MUST have this season'.
When I was getting married, I often got those stupid wedding magazines. 7 of the 12 pounds of the magazine were ads for big poofy dresses. Even so, I just felt like I HAD to get them. It was like a compulsion. What if I missed the 1 little touch that would change my 'big day'?!?! Not much was actually applicable...unless I was a zillionaire with Las Vegas taste.
There are always those 'lifestyle' magazines like Oprah, Martha, Real Simple, etc. Those always make me feel (alternately) like a total slob (the contents of my purse exceed my body weight and don't include anything clean or in working order) or a total hamburger helper (I never cook huge batches of dinner on the weekends then freeze for the week).
I'm not even going to consider the news magazines. Too depressing and infuriating!!
Travel magazines are fun...but it's painful to see all the fabulous places I'll never afford to visit.
Since I'm not pregnant or trying, baby magazines are O-U-T!
So, I'm at that hazy area between young women magazines and old lady magazines (am I really finding myself reading--and enjoying--Redbook at the doctor's office?!?!? holy crap).

thank goodness for britney and angelina jolie. otherwise i'd have to break down and buy something pathetic like Cat Fancy...for those who love (and more than likely only love) cats!